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Jimmy Brown

Jimmy Brown, a firefighter, is developing a peer counseling program to help police and firefighters deal with stress and depression.

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When you're in a depression:

Q: Can you describe a typical day?

Jimmy: There was many days...I just didn't want to get out of bed. Honestly the only reason I got out of bed on more than a few of those days was because the dog had to get walked and my wife had to go to work. So I'd walk the dog, take her to work, come back. Some days I'd get back in bed, some days I'd just sit on the couch and wonder what I was going to do next. And not knowing, not knowing at all. (Sound clip)

Q: Do you believe it will ever end?

Jimmy: No, when you're in the middle of it, you just, you don't know when it's gonna end. You sit there and look at it. You know you wanna get better. You know you wanna be who you were before. You just don't know if it's gonna end where it's gonna end, how it's gonna end. You don't know if you're ever gonna be the person that you were before. There were days when I thought I'd never be myself again...I just thought...this is just the way it's gonna be and I thought everything was gonna have to change. (Sound clip)

Q: Was there anything you liked to do?

Jimmy: I pretty much lost interest in just about everything. Every aspect of your life the interest level just goes. You're just kinda there. (Sound clip)

Q: Is it hard to accept that you are sick?

Jimmy: It depended who I was speaking to about how much I can admit to how I was feeling. You know your head is screwed up, that somebody is going to look at you like you’re crazy, that you’re weak for admitting that you’re having a problem. Especially in the fire service. Fire service, police service; it’s an entirely macho atmosphere. So it’s just natural that you’ll be looked upon as weak if you admit that you’re having some kind of problem dealing with something. (Sound clip)

Q: Can you pull out of it on your own?

Jimmy: They think I'm a big, tough fireman. I'm supposed to be able to deal with anything, I'm supposed to be able to just pick up, carry on, like the old commissioner said, 'Just be able to suck it up. And just keep going.' It's not that easy. You can't just do that. If you tried to, it's just gonna come back up again and again and again. It may take a while but it's gonna keep coming back up. I don't know if I'd be a firefighter today if I didn't get help. (Sound clip)

Q: How do you feel now?

Jimmy: Everything's back to normal. What I experienced was something nobody should experience. But somehow I've been able to find a context for it in my life and it's there. It'll always be there; it's never gonna go away. But I found a way to fit it into my life that I can live with it. (Sound clip)

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