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Paul Gottlieb

Paul Gottlieb was a publisher in the art world, with a knack for turning museum catalogues into international best sellers. Sadly, Paul died of a heart attack in 2002, barely two months after this interview.

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When you're in a depression:

Q: Can you describe how it feels?

Paul: A feeling of isolation, a feeling of being cut off from the people around you, of not being able to, almost of being underwater, sort of emotionally underwater, you know, not being able to make direct physical contact. You lose interest in physical contact, in sexual relationships, you become very worried. (Sound clip)

Q: When did you realize something was wrong?

Paul: I remember the first time I knew something really was wrong, I was talking with one of my colleagues in the company in which I worked, a publishing house, and I just burst into tears. And I had no idea why that had happened. (Sound clip)

Q: Can you describe the pain?

Paul: It is as if your inner core is being squeezed in such a way that it hurts, it just hurts, it feels as if somebody's been beating you. You feel as if your tissue has been wounded. You just feel internally, in pain. (Sound clip)

Q: Did you consider suicide?

Paul: You are, you are pushed to the point of considering suicide because living becomes very painful. You are looking for a way out, you're looking for a way to eliminate this terrible psychic pain. (Sound clip)

Q: Why did you wait 7 years to get help?

Paul: Your tendency is just sort of wait it out, you know, let it get better. You don't want to go to the doctor. You don't want to admit to how bad you're really feeling. If I had not been lucky enough to have relief, I might well have killed myself. (Sound clip)

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